by Ben Hess, Managing Director, ThirdPool Recruiting
The real estate industry is filled with rejection. There’s no getting around it.
You’ve probably reluctantly made this connection on your own: Those who are the most successful in any sales process tend to be those who are the most comfortable with rejection.
When I started my first sales job, the initial thing my manager taught me was to repeat this mantra to myself: “Some will. Some won’t. Who cares?”
He knew I would face rejection quickly and often. My ability to emotionally disconnect from the negative feelings of rejection had to be overcome if I hoped to be successful.
The same principle applies to recruiting. The recruiting process is filled with rejection. Those who overcome the fear of rejection tend to be good recruiters. Those who are paralyzed by it will languish.
How do you end up in the first group? We’ll learn from a talented Chinese immigrant who had to overcome rejection to pursue his dream of becoming an entrepreneur.
Jia Jiang’s Story
If you have the time, take a look at this 12-minute TED video:
Jia’s story is certainly inspiring on its own. To come to a new country and conquer the fear of rejection is quite a feat. It’s also funny. I especially like the part where he asks a police officer if he can borrow his police cruiser (expecting to get rejected), and the police officer actually says, “Yes!”
As much as you may enjoy Jia’s story, it will not help you become a better recruiter. Learning to be more comfortable with rejection will help you hire more agents.
Learning to Overcome Rejection
Over the past several years, I’ve had numerous owners and executives ask me: “Is there an assessment that would help predict who would be effective at prospecting and cold-calling?”
The answer is no. At least I haven’t found one yet, and I don’t suspect I will.
The research I’ve read shows almost everyone naturally hates rejection. In fact, the affects of rejection can be debilitating. One study showed it temporarily lowers your IQ and hinders your ability to think analytically.
Another study showed that your brain treats rejection much like physical pain. On a MRI brain scan, experiencing rejection is about as painful as spilling a cup of hot coffee on your hand!
Jia learned something important: Becoming comfortable with rejection must be learned. It’s not something people naturally possess.
How do you learn this important recruiting skill?
By turning rejection into a game. It may sound trivial, but playfully reframing something like rejection has been shown to reduce stress significantly.
In Jia’s case, he credits a game created by Jason Comley called “Rejection Therapy.” In simple terms, the game involves proactively seeking out a social rejection at least once a day for 30 days.
Comley suggests the game works because of a psychotherapeutic technique called “flooding.” Flooding is the intentional exposure to the feared stimulus. At first, stimulus induces an adrenaline and fear response which minimizes with repeated exposure over time.
Does Comley’s game work? I don’t know. I haven’t tried it. It does seem to produce results for some people.
Whether this technique works or not, is not the point. Here’s the important take-away:
Overcoming the fear of rejection is something that has to be learned.
If you want to be a great recruiter, teach yourself to overcome the fear of rejection.
If you want to work with high-performing sales people, teach them to overcome the fear of rejection.