by Ben Hess, Managing Director, ThirdPool Recruiting
In the late ‘90s, Art Aron asked a new question: Can science help turn strangers into friends?
The question was new because up to that point, he had conducted award-winning research on the health of relationships that were already underway.
To conquer this new frontier, he designed a series of experiments involving strangers who volunteered to build connections with each other (think speed-dating with a little more structure).
The experiments revealed something interesting:
The types of questions you ask someone when you first meet makes a big difference in how the relationship forms.
More specifically, if your questions involve just factual information, the relationship will probably not progress past acquaintance level.
This is commonly called “small talk,” and it involves asking questions such as:
What do you do for a living? How long have you worked in that line of business? Are you planning on taking a vacation this summer?
By contrast, if the questions asked during the initial interaction are slightly more personal and involve a small amount of self-disclosure, the relationship progresses differently.
Here are some examples of questions involving more self-disclosure:
What would constitute a perfect day for you? For what in your life do you feel most grateful? If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
It may take a little practice, but a good conversationalist can work these types of questions into a business exchange.
And according to Dr. Aron, this small change helps move relationships beyond the acquaintance stage.
And, isn’t that the goal of recruiting?