If you want to connect with someone beyond the surface level, find something they’re struggling with and share in their pain. Authors Chip and Dan Heath describe how this works: One study found that when strangers were asked to perform a painful task together—in one case, submerging their hands in tubs of ice water to perform a sorting task—they felt a greater sense of bonding than did strangers who had performed the same task in room temperature water. This bonding happened even though the task was pointless. As you might suspect, the research showed even more compelling outcomes when a common struggle was focused on a meaningful cause. For recruiting applicants, start by asking your prospects: What are you struggling with? Just acknowledging their problem as something your organization also struggles with will help build an initial connection. At this point, resist the temptation to offer a quick solution. Instead, attempt to connect them with others on your team who have worked through (or who are currently working through) similar difficulties. The engagement, trust, and connection are built through experiencing the common struggle, not just solving the problem.